The kernel expects two things: a root filesystem, and an init daemon that resides on it. The init included with raspbian is a sysV style system. You are not tied to that -- other init systems commonly used with linux (remember: the kernel is linux) are systemd and upstart -- but you do need an init system of some sort.
You can also put init in an initramfs and have it built into the kernel, in which case you could get away without a root filesystem, but that seems pointless in this case.
init is the only userland application started by the kernel. Normally, it then starts processes which open ttys with a login, and then other services that may start a display manager, sshd, etc. You may not need the login, but you probably want the tty; you could also just start sshd directly instead.
Where can i get a ssh/telnet daemon for the pi?
Get it from the same place raspbian did, the upstream source. None of this stuff was written specifically for the pi. Or at least, very very little of it. It's been used on a huge variety of different systems.
If you want one pre-compiled for the pi...well, that's raspbian, etc.1
i don't know how to put this to a new sdcard
You'll have to use the pi-specific bootloader which is in the /boot partition of the raspbian image.
1. To be brutally honest, I think you are on a massively quixotic quest that, based on the knowledge implied by your question, you have virtually no hope of accomplishing this year unless you quit your job and devote yourself to learning full time, and even then your chance of failure is very high and it will take you months to reach a point where you have any chance of success. It is not simple. It is not easy. That said, even if you do fail, you will probably learn some useful things along the way. However, the time might be better spent learning to understand an existing distribution (such as raspbian) and how to use it to create your home automation system.
